Christmas ads 2023: the musical view, part two

Coca-Cola

Anyone can be Santa! Except for convicted paedophiles and similar vermin presumably? 

I must admit I didn’t really get this spot at first. It’s like two ads in one: 
Part one - Santa everywhere played by the same guy, normalising the legend, but cost-effective for casting. 
Part two - Everyday people being Santa not dressed as Santa.

High five!

Then it was pointed out by a younger person, “it’s simple Sascha, anyone can be Santa, you idiot”, which left me feeling slightly underwhelmed and successfully ruining Christmas forever. It seems Coca-Cola now wants us to channel our inner Santa. Really, people? I neither have nor want Santa in me (see opening line). 

The soundtrack is supplied by brother John Connon featuring the excellent but-rather-quiet-of-late Celeste whom you literally couldn’t get away from way back in 2020, before the world went shit. Great vocal, supported by slightly flaccid backing band.

Tesco

This is good. Really good. 

I guess it resonates with me with a son not too many years younger than the boy in this ad, I see this emerging disinterest in anything good in my near future. The Dad is definitely WAY older than me, though...

I particularly like that this rather surreal idea has emerged from a mainstream brand at Christmas. No one else in Food League has attempted anything this weird with any level of success before. It will split the camps obviously, those who want sentimentality feeling left short from John Lewis, and McDonald’s both wisely moving on from that well-worn, mouldy old chestnut. 

OMC’s How Bizarre soundtracks; another non-Christmas song choice and a welcome and growing trend this year. 

It's a song that muses upon weirdness that’s yet warm, glowing and feel good. A neat trick by them Kiwis from back in 1996. 

Barbour

Had Gromit been involved and not his lesser known, less smart, less handsome, less charming stablemate Bitzer, I think this ‘fix the jacket plan’ would have been a roaring success. But then we wouldn’t have as fun a story, and I suppose cross-contaminating Aardman character worlds isn’t allowed. Some union thing, I guess? 

Nonetheless, it’s a charming tale featuring a gorgeous and richly produced arrangement of Deck The Halls. What makes this piece even more gratifying is that sound design doesn’t conflict with the score. I mention this mainly because there appears to be an increasing focus on ‘sound design’ over music in our industry. 

Can we address this please? 

No one ever cried (the right way) over the sound design, now did they?

Greggs

I’ve never seen a Greggs ad before. How has that happened? 

Just did a quick dive, they used Professional Widow in their last ad. I mean, what’s not to love about this brand?!

This spot does not disappoint either because, fuck fireworks mate, it’s all about the flying light drones right now - WHAAAAHHOOOOPYAH. 

Cue swarms of Unmanned Aerial Vehicles forming colourful shapes of a variety of baked goods in the night sky but mostly to mark the reintroduction of the Festive Bake. Actual tears precipitate from one onlooker, and rightly so, this is the shit we all need to get excited about at Christmas, hot pork and other stuff in Pastry!! I cried, too.

One question: was any of this done in post?

The dramatic soundtrack is Red Dress by Adrián Berenguer (ANBR to his mates) who claims, “There is no Past or Future, everything flows in a constant present.” 

Indeed Adrián. 

Can I get three Festives please… fresh ones mind. 

McDonald's

No. I do not fancy a McDonald’s this Christmas, or any other time for that matter. I haven’t eaten that shit since 2001. 

I do like McDonalds’ ads though, and this one continues in the current mode (err… would you call that a platform?) of humorous, mildly quirky musings upon this life, punctuated here by dire Christmas parties, train delays, shit nativity plays and a bit more Britain’s Got Talent levels of eyebrow gymnastics.  

Cue a mass exodus of everything by everyone in favour of a visit to the arches and a bumper helping of the bad stuff. 

Anything soundtracked by Van Halen gets my vote. They are one of the greatest of all time and you should listen to them more. 

Morrisons

Glove puppets singing along to Starship’s 1987 smash hit Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now, inexplicably sped up by 2 bpm?? 

Don’t fuck with the groove! 

Otherwise, it's quite fun. Am I missing something? 

Fun Fact: this song was co-written by Albert Hammond OBE, whose son is Albert Hammond Jnr from The Strokes! 

I’ve got loads of this gold. 

JD Sports

JD are quite clear about their target audience aren’t they? This is certified rather clumsily early on in the film with your classic London cabby quipping at a wheelieing youth with the most commonly repeated phrase by Daily Mail readers, swiftly rebuked with the most repeated phrase from Top Boy. 

In fact, this is basically Top Boy at Christmas, except with a timely ceasefire. Weird. 

They’ve even recruited Kano, arguably alpha Top Boy, although he is an Adidas/JD ambassador. There's also the AWESOME Nia Archives, the HUGELY IRKSOME Central Cee, HERO Anthony Joshua, and then the b-list - Bugzee Malone, Ardee, Chloe Kelly, Amria B and some useless YouTubers. 

I think this is all trying a bit too hard.

Ironic, is it not, that all this painfully workshopped ‘youthing’ is soundtracked by a 1992 classic cut Sweet Harmony by Liquid? And this is because modern urban music isn’t as good as it used to be. Except, of course, for Simz, Koje, Sampa, Loyle, Swindle, Jme, Kano, Hus… actually, it’s amazing. SO WHY THE FUCK NOT USE ONE OF THEM, EH?

Anyway, Merry Christmas fam.