Liars & lipstick pigs: why lockdown has revealed an urgent need for media revolution

These days will go down in history as an era of wretched propaganda and unparalleled fakery.

Of celebrities saving the world with John Lennon’s Imagine. Of tax-dodger Gary Barlow and notorious poor-hater Andrew Lloyd-Webber mimicking community spirit with self-isolation singalongs on Twitter. 

Businesses have always lied. Big juicy BS.

Of Pepsi implying it can bring about world peace; Elon Musk being a superhero; billionaire Richard Branson saying he doesn’t need ‘stuff’. Of Mark Zuckerberg putting lipstick on a pig, telling students at Georgetown University he created Facebook because of the Iraq war, when everyone knows it was built to rate the hotness of college girls. 

Above: Facebook founder Mark Zuckerberg.

I know, I know, I know: businesses have always lied. Big juicy BS, like in 2005, when Listerine claimed using mouthwash was just as effective as brushing your teeth. Nutella used to say their chocolatey spread was a nutritious addition to a child’s breakfast. Ever since the first days of PR, the freak shows of animal abuser PT Barnum provided a masterclass in commercial lying. The Greatest Showman movie was sugarcoated, but they learned from the best. 

Over time, we spun lies and called them spin. And then we spun spin and called it ‘positioning'.

Even in adland the simple process of ‘premiumising’ products is… well, it’s trickery. Washing detergents, biscuits, booze; they’ve all seen the smoke and mirrors premium treatment. Once, at a meeting to plan a client’s new ‘premium’ three-ply toilet roll campaign, naive and new to the account I asked, “what’s premium about it?” No one could give me an answer. “We’ve increased the price,” a brand manager eventually said. Barnum would be proud.  Over time, we spun lies and called them spin. And then we spun spin and called it ‘positioning'.

In the UK, it’s understood that most traditional media is dirty nonsense.

No wonder consumers have trust issues. In the UK, it’s understood that most traditional media is dirty nonsense: a stream of fabrications and feel-good bullshit designed to make Britons feel proud of a country going through one of the worst identity crises in its history.

According to the 2020 Edelman Trust Barometer, just 35% of people in Great Britain trust the media, and the majority consider it unethical and incompetent. Our media is the second least trusted in the world, behind only Russia... Behind. Only. Russia. 

Dan Wootton begging us to buy The Sun because it’s a “lifeline of trusted information” was so bizarre I had to investigate whether lack of self-awareness is a symptom of the pandemic.

When it comes to bollocks, obviously there’re repeat offenders. This Twitter thread on the appalling Covid-19 reporting of the Telegraph is enough to make your eyes bleed. Gossip columnist Dan Wootton begging us to buy The Sun because it’s a “lifeline of trusted information” was so bizarre I had to investigate whether lack of self-awareness is a symptom of the pandemic, and Wootton another unfortunate victim. I double-checked the date, in case his tweet was an April fool, but no. Whilst still the UK’s most-read (paid-for) newspaper, the company reportedly made a loss of £68 million last year.  

Above: A snapshot of some of the Telegraph's headlines over the past few weeks. 

So, are readers finally getting wise? The Sun is a smudge on Britain’s already pretty grubby reputation; the hackings and smears and irrational demonisations. But this period of devastation has opened more people’s eyes up to its despicable ways. Most notably, its transparent collusion with the government to create an illusion of success in the way Boris Johnson and his team have dealt with the disaster. 

For a newspaper that so tirelessly reinforces a right-wing agenda, their celebration of key workers and EE ads offering free data for NHS staff are nothing more than lipstick on a pig.

In the same week that 5,000 people died, The Sun’s front page celebrated Johnson coming out of ICU (“Now that really IS a Good Friday!"). For a newspaper that so tirelessly reinforces a right-wing agenda, their celebration of key workers and EE ads offering free data for NHS staff are nothing more than lipstick on a pig. They even want to risk people’s lives, arguing via ‘expert’ and columnist Toby Young that social distancing should end prematurely.  

Ah, Toby Young. Our culture of clickbait columnists is one of the most painful things about the UK’s media scene, though at least Katie Hopkins keeps getting fired. The Times columnist Caitlin Moran arguing “lockdown is easy!” then getting rumbled for apparently having a party at her mate’s house over the Easter weekend is a perfect metaphor for the industry she represents.

Our culture of clickbait columnists is one of the most painful things about the UK’s media scene.

A fake, feathered parody of a shit-show. A beacon of elasticated truth. When guy-next-door Simon Thompson told Twitter he’d heard Moran having loud fun in his neighbour’s garden, a few privileged personalities called him “a snitch” and “a grass”. Hold the government to account, they said. Not the media.

Above: The Sun's front page, in the week when 5,000 people were reported to have died in the UK due to coronavirus.

But we are holding the media to account. I can feel something big coming. Significant cultural shifts are often made during times of intense societal unrest or financial depression. So, maybe now is the right time for a real media reset. Buzzfeed, Huffpo and even sites like Ladbible and Joe are behaving with more integrity than many of the UK’s most established voices. These are news brands that were raised in social media, so they know what it means to respect their readers. 

Buzzfeed, Huffpo and even sites like Ladbible and Joe are behaving with more integrity than many of the UK’s most established voices.

Last year, after seeing some very unsettling comments about abortion on their platform, I requested a meeting with a senior woman at Twitter to understand what they were doing to protect females. She talked me through their social responsibility programme in depth. The algorithms that spot anti-social behaviour, the outreach and education work. Twitter isn’t perfect, but it was the most grown-up display of ethical considerations I’d witnessed in a media owner. It was depressingly refreshing to see how much they cared.