Matthew Epstein Takes Us Inside A Cuddle Party

While the concept of a 'Cuddle Party' may understandably raise a few eyebrows among our more sceptical readers, for the cuddle-convert director Matthew Epstein it was perfect comedic fuel. A bickering couple played by Michaela Watkins and Rob Huebel decide to put their obvious cynicism aside in the hopes that their rocky marriage can be saved by hugging strangers. Hilarity and disaster ensues in delightfully equal measure. 

With the effect of something like Arrested Development meets Oprah, this short has all the confidence and strong direction that you would expect from a feature film or TV series. It does in fact hint at a larger story beyond it's frame, while the tact and respectfulness of the humour retains a sense of laughing with, not at, the characters, however bizarre the scenarios may be. In fact the comedy lies more in the friction between two worlds colliding than in the sometimes farcical behaviour of the occupants. 

After watching it a few times we were still laughing at the gags and were so impressed by the clear potential of this first-time (as yet unsigned) director that we decided to catch up with the man himself! He graciously told us about his own personal research into a "Workshop" (official Cuddler wording) of this nature, and finding both charm and humour in unlikely places.

The film is currently doing the festival circuit so is available for viewing to our members only. 

First things first – what is a cuddle party?

A cuddle party has multiple facets. On one hand it’s like group therapy in your pajamas – primarily dealing with issues around intimacy, communication, and boundaries. Conversely one could go just to enjoy themselves and connect with other people. It’s really whatever you’d like to make it. 

Each event starts with introductions and icebreakers to get everyone acclimated, and then it’s really up to individual participants or couples to self-direct the proceedings. The core of the event is about communicating what you want and saying no to what you don’t want as it pertains to touch… cuddling. It’s really that simple. 

It’s certainly a bizarre concept for many modern minds. Generally intimacy does not take on such a structured form and we are too uncomfortable to talk about it, or when we do we sexualize it. 
Basically, cuddle parties are a non-sexual forum where physical touch is treated as natural, necessary, healing, and playful. 

We believe you have some experience of them in fact, what was it like?

That is true. I went to several cuddle parties and intimacy workshops before I decided I would write and direct the film. Admittedly, I went in to my first event with my comedy-writer-hat on, though I also just wanted the experience. I was definitely prepared for the worst. I assumed any sort of group that would get together just to “hug” each other must be full of old men trying to lech on young girls or crazy-cat-ladies who hadn’t been touched in several decades. However, once everyone began to introduce themselves and their reasons for attending, my comedic side was totally disarmed and my empathy kicked in. The group was so diverse and represented a myriad of intimacy issues. And as we all were oriented to the benefits of the cuddle party, it genuinely seemed like these people were in a place where they could holistically heal some of their problems. And those who had just come to have a fun, playful time, they proved to be kind and open–really just normal. Ultimately, it was apparent to me that if this was a subject I wanted to make fun of, it would have to be by populating the world with two main characters who are too uptight and too negative for the event, which is how I arrived at creating my protagonists Jane and Drew.

Ultimately, exposing myself to the world of cuddle parties and intimacy workshops changed me. I started to think about love, sex, and intimacy in a new light, and became infinitely more open. 

The cheesiness of many of the ‘cuddlers’ is something you gently poke fun at, but by the end it feels like the couple have come around (at least partially). Do you view these gatherings through the eyes of a convert or do you still see the funny side?

I am a convert, because my expectation of the events were proven wrong. Cuddle parties and the people who attend are normal… not new-agey, cat-lady cult members. But I’m still a comedy writer and a skeptic, which I think allows me to illustrate the humorous aspects of the cuddle party without being mean. Obviously my characters haven’t achieved the same level of respect as I have, but I like to think they are on their way to becoming better people. 

I don’t think I’m okay with poking fun at something unless I truly respect it. It’s like the difference between laughing with someone and laughing at them. 

The ‘dysfunctional-couple-meets-hugging-enthusiasts’ situation is the stuff of comedy gold. What inspired this as a plot device?

Again, it really came down to the realization that it seemed mean to make fun of the event itself. The obvious solution to me was to come up with a couple who just weren’t well-adjusted enough to handle the good vibes. I think it’s a fun, dark journey to see someone realize they’re the bad guy and then seek redemption. Ultimately I think the marriage is saved because the only person Jane and Drew have left to find redemption in is their partner. It’s bittersweet and definitely finds them balancing a fine line between love and hate. I don’t know if I can this, but I guess the theme is “there’s a dick for every asshole.”

Is it hard balancing the darker aspects of the script with the obvious humour and maintaining the comic tone throughout?

It wasn’t too difficult for me because that’s just the way I think. I use humor to cope with the dark stuff. However, making sure that the vision was consistent across cast and crew was a fun and recurring challenge.  I was extremely lucky to have a cast and crew who I communicated with easily and who were eager to work within the tone of the script. 

You have such talented comedic actors! How much was scripted and how much did you leave for them to improv?

There was a lot of improvising. Ultimately the actors brought ideas forth that I could have never come up with. They are masters of their craft. I was laughing nonstop at all the unexpected discoveries we made on set. The final scene is almost all improv. I just gave them the emotional beats and said “be Jane and Drew.”

Would you consider yourself to be a comedy director foremost or do you like to mix it up?

For me, comedy is just a way to approach a dark topic and make it more accessible to an audience. I would like to be a director who deals with complex, honest relationships, whether that’s through a comedic lens or more serious work down the road. Now that I am confident in my ability to cast and really communicate well with actors, I’d like to challenge myself to approach dark subject matter more straight on. 

How long was the shoot?

Two days. The whole production happened very quickly. I wrote the script last spring, then I raised the production budget in June, did pre-production in July, shot in August, and had a finished film by the end of September. It was an ambitious goal, and many people said I was insane, but it went off with virtually no hiccups, especially our two days on set. I felt like those two days were just a party of old friends coming together to play. 

Were there any dramas or did it all run smoothly?

Things went so smoothly I feel like the ghosts of independent filmmakers before me were probably cursing my name from the grave. I attribute that success to only hiring people who I truly felt could lift me up and whose talents exceeded or complimented my own. Additionally, I put a priority on diversity for both cast and crew. I am proud that the crew was 75% female filmmakers and that our backgrounds spanned the globe.  I also tried to create an atmosphere of fun as much as possible and made sure everyone from the department heads to the PAs were laughing as much as possible and enjoying the process. As a first time director, my only goal on set was to make sure every last person could definitely say I was someone they’d want to work with again.

Is there anything you would have added or done differently?

I have some alternate cuts that I’d be curious to watch in front of an audience. I have a cut that is just four minutes longer that I feel offers more redemption for the character of Jane. However, at 18 minutes you’re asking a lot of a festival to program your film.

If you could have made this longer, or even into a feature, where would it have gone?

If you flesh out the two main characters, make them more tragic, more sympathetic, more likeable in every sense, I could easily see turning this into a television series about two people who ruin everyone else’s lives as they try to prioritize solving their marital issues. Again, a show about a relationship that walks the line of love and hate. Like Curb Your Enthusiasm with twice the Larry.
How has the reception been to the film?

It’s been tremendous. In just a few months of submissions we’ve been accepted into a number of top festivals throughout North America and have picked up a couple awards. I’m most excited about a licensing deal we managed to get from one of the biggest festivals in the US. I wish I could say more, but my lips are legally sealed until they announce it. 

Finally, what does the future hold for you?

I’m personally writing and developing two features that I am eager to find financing for. I’m also always writing a pilot. In the meantime, I would like to work in commercials. I have a background in sketch comedy, stuff from 30 seconds to a couple minutes, and I’ve noticed there’s a lot of similarities between sketch and commercials. I’m currently unsigned so the goal now is to find a production company that needs my brand of dialogue and actor driven comedy.