Seeing myself on the screen

Before I first sat in the director’s chair, I had already amassed 300 credits as an assistant director. Those credits were predominantly for commercials, though there were quite a few music videos, and two feature films amongst them.

During those formative years as an AD, I can count on one hand the number of occasions in which there was another person of colour on set. There was a popular runner from Zimbabwe, a second AC of Chinese descent, a lovely playback op of Jamaican descent, and an emerging PA, now a fantastically successful commercials producer, of Mauritian descent. That was it! 

There’s a social chameleon in all of us, and the feeling of being an outsider is something I’ve always hated.

For the vast majority of those early career production stints I did everything in my power to blend in and, in doing so, buried my identity, culture and heritage. I altered my name, even altered the way I spoke depending on to whom I was speaking. When I spoke with directors and producers, I made an effort to annunciate every word. When I was assisting the electrical department, I’d drop cockney slang into my speech to give the impression I was one of them. There’s a social chameleon in all of us, and the feeling of being an outsider is something I’ve always hated. 

Every decision, from the clothes I wore to the food I ate, was a careful decision not to stand out, but to blend-in with the status quo.

Above: Raj's Story, a recent campaign for the Royal Navy about Raj Singh Mehon, struck a chord with its director, Sashinski.

Having spent the developmental years of my career burying my identity and heritage, I found myself in the unique position of being tasked with drawing from my own experiences to help tell the story of one of the Royal Navy’s first Sikh submariners, Lt Raj Singh Mehon. His upbringing and mine were so similar that it would’ve been foolish not to draw from my own past. 

I knew exactly how he felt... What I had experienced in the film industry wasn’t dissimilar from what Raj experienced in the Royal Navy. 

We happened to be born in the same year, grew up in the same part of London and both had Indian fathers who had emigrated to the UK from Kenya and assembling the treatment for this campaign was such a pleasurable experience. I interspersed Raj’s childhood photos with my own in the treatment. I knew exactly how he felt, the inner conflict he experienced, the veiled embarrassment and shame and, finally, the pride and confidence to acknowledge the duality of one’s identity. What I had experienced in the film industry wasn’t dissimilar from what Raj experienced in the Royal Navy. 

They say you should write what you know, but I had never before been given that opportunity. Here I was, for the first time in my career, able to draw on my own experiences to tell a rare and uplifting story in a very British context. 

Above: Sashinski on the Raj's Story shoot with the actor playing the young Raj Singh Mehon. 

As we embarked on the production my producer Campbell Beaton and I felt strongly that the crew, in addition to our Asian ensemble of actors, should reflect the story world. We scoured the industry for Asian talent in as many roles as possible. This was perhaps the most challenging aspect of the production. We put the word out on socials and to our network of contacts. We spoke to every diary service. There was such an incredibly small pool of Asian talent. This didn’t come as a surprise; I know from experience that a career in film isn’t really the done thing in the Asian community. I have twelve cousins on my father’s side, and I’m the only one that works in a creative industry.

Blaming the industry didn’t feel like a sensible or constructive use of my energy.

Since making Raj’s Story, I’ve been asked occasionally whether I believe my ethnicity has been a barrier to entry. I’ve thought about this carefully and speaking only from my own experience as a half Iranian/half Indian British filmmaker, I would have to answer no, I don’t think it has been. Or at least, I’m not willing to put my early career frustration down to anything besides my filmmaking ability at that time. 

During those periods, I stubbornly continued crafting every aspect of my approach to filmmaking until it was impossible for those gatekeepers to shut me out. I believe strongly that if you’re uncompromising in your pursuits, whatever they might be, it’s not a question of 'if' but rather a question of 'when'. This is a way of thinking that was instilled in me by my Persian mother, and it’s not uncommon for the British born first generation of immigrant children to hold these values. Blaming the industry didn’t feel like a sensible or constructive use of my energy. That’s not to say that other directors of colour with the same approach to filmmaking haven’t suffered the consequence of systemic discrimination in our industry. I don't doubt they have.